dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
