nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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