Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
