We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
