She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
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She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
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You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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