Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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