go do what you do best...puke behind churches
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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