we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize