Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
