dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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