New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
