I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
