You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
