terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
