Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
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