my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
