yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
