Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
