ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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