she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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