why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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