I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
