I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
