I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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