you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
