I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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