Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
