My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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