thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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