after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
