By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
