i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
