No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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