Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
