so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize