My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
