yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
