OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
