Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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