New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
