my phone needs a breathalizer
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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