Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
