also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
