I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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