A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
