forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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