the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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