3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I don't think brook has ever known best
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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