This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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