i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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