I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
