dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
