I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
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She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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