At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Houston, we have a blender
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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