im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
