i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
