He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
