I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
