You really coming over, don't trick.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
