have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
