Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You can't special order awesome
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
