If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
