Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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