oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
