I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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