I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
