i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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