you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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