You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
