Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i think i have herpe
just one?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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