I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
