So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
