Please, let me fuck your mom
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
