if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
