I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
cat food counts as protein by the way
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
