Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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