Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.

Fav 37 11180 1818
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(541): View more from Oregon

There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.

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(913): View more from Kansas

Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.

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(410): View more from Maryland

IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS

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(660): View more from Missouri

I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.

Fav 10 1120 662
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(443): View more from Maryland

Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things

(1-443): View more from Maryland

Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.

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(309): View more from Illinois

Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.

Fav 2 575 324
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(208): View more from Idaho

Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics

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