dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
